----------------------------------------------------------------------
Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u going?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
What's the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 over's, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Why INDIA is in trouble?
- Population: 100 crore
- 9 crore retired
- 30 crore in state Govt;
- 17 crore in central Govt.(Both categories don't work)
- 1 crore IT professional (don't work for India )
- 25 crore in school
- 1 crore are under 5 years
- 15 crore unemployed
- 1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals
The Balance two are U & Me.
U are busy ' reading my blog
HOW CAN I HANDLE INDIA alone?
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wada-pav and Recession
DO U KNOW
What is recession?
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling "Wada-Pav" by the roadside.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.
He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.
His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of "Wada-pavs".
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up..
He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more.
He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.
He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.
As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his
father.
Then something strange happened.
The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible.
The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."
The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV.
He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.
So the next day onwards, the father cut down his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard, removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.
He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs.
Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his "Wada-Pav" stand.
And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".
"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."
Moral of The Story: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than we think we do!!!!!!!!!! !!
What can we take away from this story??
1. How many times we confuse intelligence with good judgment?
2. Choose your advisors carefully but use your own judgment
3. A person or an organization will survive forever, if they have the 5 Cs
* Character
* Commitment
* Conviction
* Courtesy
* Courage
The tragedy today is that there are many walking encyclopedias that are living failures.
The More practical and appropriate views on this economic recession is:
"This is the time to reunite together for any small or a big organization,
this is the time to motivate and retain people which are the biggest asset,
this is the time to show more commitments to the customers,
this is the time show values of our company to the world,
and this is the time to stand by our Nation".
Please do not take this Lightly…..
What is recession?
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling "Wada-Pav" by the roadside.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.
He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.
His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of "Wada-pavs".
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up..
He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more.
He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.
He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.
As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his
father.
Then something strange happened.
The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible.
The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."
The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV.
He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.
So the next day onwards, the father cut down his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard, removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.
He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs.
Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his "Wada-Pav" stand.
And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".
"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."
Moral of The Story: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than we think we do!!!!!!!!!! !!
What can we take away from this story??
1. How many times we confuse intelligence with good judgment?
2. Choose your advisors carefully but use your own judgment
3. A person or an organization will survive forever, if they have the 5 Cs
* Character
* Commitment
* Conviction
* Courtesy
* Courage
The tragedy today is that there are many walking encyclopedias that are living failures.
The More practical and appropriate views on this economic recession is:
"This is the time to reunite together for any small or a big organization,
this is the time to motivate and retain people which are the biggest asset,
this is the time to show more commitments to the customers,
this is the time show values of our company to the world,
and this is the time to stand by our Nation".
Please do not take this Lightly…..
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
SW Prof-Matrimon'e'y
SW eng always on Hardtime, either with work or Personally. Its Just an another example how s/w eng having hard time with Society too. Who cursed S/W engs?
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Disturbing Co-Passengers
An Indian and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
The Indian, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Indian declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the Indian's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Indian doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Indian asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers. Checks the input. All to no avail! Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Indian and hands him $500.
The Indian thanks him and turns back to get his sleep. The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Indian and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Indian reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep! Gorrrrrrrrrrrr
The Indian, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa." Again, the Indian declines and tries to get some sleep.The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the Indian's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Indian doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the Indian asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers. Checks the input. All to no avail! Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Indian and hands him $500.
The Indian thanks him and turns back to get his sleep. The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Indian and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Indian reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep! Gorrrrrrrrrrrr
Thanks Pic Courtesy: Lostweekend.tv
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